Obama's Secrets II

Funny how thoroughly the tapes of Obama's pastor reached every single republicrook talk show today. It was almost like they were working together, sharing information between one another as a broad front. I mean, am I so naive that completely different media companies, like ABC(Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh), or FOX(Hannity) and Salem Broadcasting(Medved, Savage, Hewitt, Prager)would present identical material when, according to the free market gospel of the republicrooks they should be endeavoring to annihilate one another and feed off the carcass of their respective audiences? Its almost as if they are acting in concert, and that their wistful and panicked tirades about the fairness doctrine and ratings was secondary, or even unimportant to their political agendas.

But since they all saw clear to impune Obama by picking out fiery sermons in a church speaking to the concerns, experiences and passions of the black community, I thought it important to uncover ome of the other secrets acquaintances that he harbors. 

Jake Morgan: Works at the convenience store down the block from the Obamas. Jake once owned a Che Guevarra shirt his first year of college and told his girlfriend that if aliens came to visit earth he'd want to be on the welcoming committee, because it would be totally cool to meet an alien dude and see if they could really do that mind meld thing like Mister Spock. He spent a whole summer "totally into Marx' Manifesto," and spoke at a prounion protest, telling a crowd of 17 that the country needs a workers revolution to return it to the people. Most of what he said was just to meet this smokin' hot chick. By September he was interning in his dad's law firm. When, I wonder, will Obama be called to account for Morgan's political blasphemy, and condemn his anti-American rhetoric?

Sally Wasserman. Lives a couple doors down from the Obamas. Sees 'em once in a while, but only to say hi.  At a recent PTA meeting she complained about the horrendous and gratuitous violence on television. The 5 foot four inch Wasserman, a mother of two, who does needlepoint in her spare time, totally lost it and said "in a perfect world I would pile all of the televisions together and blow them all up!" Obviously a woman with terrorist tendencies, Barack Obama must repudiate her statements in the strongest terms.

and finally...

Mudbone, the homeless guy seen rummaging through Obama's trash couple days a week. Mudbone is completely covered under his clothes by tin foil. He fears that the government is secretly trying to uncover his secret thoughts. "They want to get inside my head," he says, scratching regualrly. "They're everywhere, the secret government men, trying to turn us all into slaves, making us subservient to their whims, bombarding us with their lies. They control everything, the banks, the media. They might even start a war to drain the treasury while hypnotizing us with lurid schlock about Eliot Spitzer and a high priced hooker... "

Maybe ole Mudbone ain't as crazy as we thought..